[[ cause everywhere i go.. ]]

Thursday, May 01, 2008

I'm here again.

When was my last time here?

I dont even remember.

So many things have happened.

I've graduated from Ngee Ann Poly.

I took up dragon boating.

I've worked at Great Eastern.

So many "i have... i did..." in such a short period of time.

Time really flies.

Ohh, first post for 2008.

Happy 2008! =)

And a Happy Belated 20th Birthday to me. =D

(Thanks guys for the celebration. Love it)

Sorry Aunt, Daddy, Mummy for not being there to celebrate with you all on your birthdays. Sorry. Happy Birthday all. Love you all.

...

Oh, you mean you can add videos on your blog? Oh cool.

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

12:55 PM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

was called indecent.
by this guy.
haha.
was "high" that night, and what i knew that day came as a blow to me.
kept harping on it, asking my friends why is it like that.
They said, yeah, he' s like that.
He is nothing more, but i have no idea why am i like that.
Maybe, no one told me i am one before.
Oh wells.

Consecutive chats over the phone made me wake up.
And there's this freaking day, when she told me what actually happened backstage.
Was kinda happy? But i knew, once again, it's not to be true.
Especially that certain criteria, haha. Thou it's much better than hers.
But again, it's just a facade.
Not true.. no.
Ass boyfriend of hers sounded him and made me so paiseh as thou i am interested.
Again, went out with that clique.
Initially, he seemed sian.
Ass boyfriend of hers dee siaoed us again. Yeah. Kept his blazer for him.
And that sugar cane thing. Hah.
Then through the night,
talked. Wanted to play but ended up talking.
Knew more, but something held me back, or rather, was waiting for him to ask.
Yeah, that we have common interest.
But whatever, dont care that much.
He's rather observant. I mean very, in fact.
What my friend said, he'd comment.
What i did, he'd comment. (Are you hungry?)
I'm okay. (She looks better. Did you peng the other day?)
Yada yada yada...
Walk with me. i dont know.
Went mac at orchard.
Caring act?
He's weird. Cant ever guess what's on his mind.
Sometimes seems rude. Sometimes seems good.
Who are you?
What are you?
Devil? Angel?
Opened door like a gentleman.
Deep beneath you?
Shrugs.

Really wanna know what's the comment after this episode. but still, dont ever take it to heart. Really. Must learn.

....................................................................................

And this, played me out for like, 3 times?
3 freaking times.
Everytime, it's depleting me of my trust for you.
Never, never gonna believe you again.
Never, never gonna trust your words again.
Never, never urge for more outings again.
Never, never again.

Waste my time. Waste my money. Waste my energy. Waste my feelings.
Waste me.

To continue, or not?

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

5:06 PM

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

MOS that night was a multi-racial one.
A good, yet horrible experience.
Almost died in the hands of horrigibility. (If there's a word like such.)
It's also the day of my first experience after so many.
At the Mac door it is.
Knew you, and now i still do. =D

So it was the following week.
The second one.
Surprised at the sudden luck.
But it wasnt a night for xin.
Ended up in hospital and it was the first time i wheeled a wheelchair.
What an experience.

...............

Seems like everybody's driving.
Went to Tenchi warehouse with xiang and met the rest there.
Meeting progressed.
Dont know am i sensitive or what.
Just felt that Tenchi people hate me.
They dont look at me in the eyes when they talk.
Their face are always -_-.
Bahh.
Then after that, yi sent me and xiang back to mrt station.
Wow. Cool baby.

Had NPS camp.
Comm members are all my close friends.
Camp was slack.
Didnt join much of the games cause had to leave halfway for Tenchi meeting.
Was Ketchup's cheerleader.
Was so damn stressed when we were asked to give a cheer and it ended up cold.
Damn worried.
Really thanks to dear Caroline and dear Sandra for helping me with cheering.
And it was a GREAT challenge between Ketcup and Chilli.
Ketchup members really showed me the cooperation and everybody did a GREAT job.
Ketchup unite!
Ketchup won the cheering competition.
I was so touched i wanted to cry.
I was so happy that Ketchup won but we still lost for the final camp.
It's okay.
I still love Ketchup anyways. =)

..........................

Went to work mooncake at GWP.
Made alot of friends there.
Still havent collected my pay.
Like what poon said, cultural exchange.
Bulan kueh! = Mooncake.
Pergi kamarlmanli = Go toilet. (I dont know how to spell)
I learnt alot from the Balinese.
And they have become my favourite past time people other than others.
Funny things happened.
Like how Adi talked to me.
And him. He's my sunshine.
But somehow, he disappeared.

Somehow, i always meet the wrong one.

............................

Really.
It's a serious problem of mine.
To be so sensitive.
I make assumptions based on what i see.
And this sucky act really cost a heavy price.
Be it change in attitudes, or what.
I dont know.
I just know it sucks. Like hell.
I have to change.
And the worst scenario is to cause misunderstandings.
Unnecessary ones. Especially.
Ahh. Tell me how.
Boohoo. =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never assume.
and i still didnt learn.

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

3:21 AM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Boo. I am back again. haha. mabia lacks the self determination and discipline to blog. and finally, when all things accumulate, she finally has the decency to blog. bahh. As usual, she will try to remember what had happened, i mean interesting ones, to her.

Went Velvet Dragon cause Zouk was full house due to public holidays the next day, National Day. It was ladies' night still. However, thought Velvet Dragon which is ex club momo will be going to be so ulu. No. It's very nice i thought. Well decorated. Even the toilets. Seriously, imagine royal toilets, sofas in the middle, blink blink toilet seats, pool facilities (i mean billard), blah blah blah.. How nice can it be? Good place for chillouts. Haha. Funny things happen. Cause went with a new clique and ya. And funny things happen on the dance floor. So funny that i wanna laugh hard. Besides, sad things happen too. First time i cried in clubs bah i think. Sheesh. Oh ya, went to Marina Square the open air food court corner there to watch NDP. Haha. Funny experience with people LIFTING A TRAY WITH HOT SOUP OVER YOUR HEAD AND TRYING TO SQUEEZE WITH THE CROWD?!!?! Imagine that. What if it falls over? Goddamn. Oh think nothing else le bah. Oh ya. One aunty wore the same shirt as me. Saddened. Not that i'm old fashioned okays, just that the aunty.. the aunty.. abit more modernised mah. Bleah.

Punish me to give you kisses when i lose in games like pool.

So it was after exams. Kinda sad. Cause i didnt finish it all. Like wth. I was so damn depressed after SM paper cause i knew i could do it, i should have done others first. Damn. Whatever, i hope i didnt flunk it badly. And i mean all. I know i can do it. It was only 4 papers. So quite okay. Yeah. And it's now hols.

Kiss my forehead like you always do.

Went to Zouk. Thought that with what i am now, i am not going to. But it happened. =) And, however, sad things have to happen when i am like in my own world. lalala~ Gosh. It's okay. Not going to remind of sad things. bahh. haha. Keep seeing Ben Yeo in ZOuk. Haiyo. Got wife le still go Zouk. Hhaa. But i love him no matter what, he's sooo cute with his afro hairstyle. Power shit.

Smell my hair like you always do.

haha. Seems like i keep mentioning clubbing stuffs. sorry ar. I know i have become a hardcore clubber. Still thought i keep saying my friend last time. Opps. Sometimes, it's getting over me. Nono. It's damn bad. And i cant let it affect me. Right. I wont. Okay. Went to DXO like last friday. Only me and wen went. Thought it was okay. But friends go like HUH when they knew it's only both of us. Okay. To OUR surprise, we were shocked to know that when we step in, r&b songs keep flooding. Really. And the crowds, woohoo~!! It's soooo unlike the last few times i went to DXO after that glory night. And ya, more chinese this time. More handsome ones of course. Went for rounds and rounds of drinking. Shiat. Nothing seems to work on me now. That day at Zouk, drank more and stronger of the Special Dam than my usual Amsterdam. It did not work. That time at DXO, wen seh already i still so awake. Gosh. How can i become seh? Tell me. -_-" Nevermind, back to topic. And ya, met alot of friends. Haha. My poly ones. And my secondary school ones. Got to know this person from my friend. Haha. Looked for him when i went to Comex. Yeah. He's there. Lol. Anyway, ya. A number of fishes though. Gosh. haha. cool. from other races one too. Cool man. Hah. There's this cute one. Dance so cutely. Hha. And some bastards though. Like became centre of attraction for wee period of time. Ah whatever. Yeah. Then went to eat Mac breakfast at BPP. Nice. Nice night though. Indian man kept smiling.

Say you'd never leave.

I need a job. I am jobless. I have to work. Cause i have no money. Please? Drop some money for me from the sky. Stop dreaming la. No work. No income. No go out. Bahhh. Cruel.

Dont you miss? He's waiting for your return.

Oh ya! 1 very interesting thing. TO me only bah i guess, is that i borrowed a book from the library! Haha. Okay, it's been donkey years since i last touched a storybook. And yeah, people you all can go buy 4D already. Plus, there's something which i dont understand why. I never borrow any books why is there a fine of $0.15? Weird. Absurd. Crazy. Abnormal...... -flipping dictionary-

I miss you. Really.

Some random thoughts. Sometimes, people think life is really unfair. True tho. Some get so much better treatment. Wheareas some do not. Some very successful in their lives, no matter what. Whereas some do not. My love life was never smooth. Haha. My friend told me about how he felt and i really felt sorry for him, cause his wasnt any better. To him, it's like very dramatic. It's like, a drama, which only happens in d.r.a.m.a.s. Haha. When i mention of him, nah, he just popped up and talking to me on msn. Lol. so funny. Okay. Ya. I am almost 20. Bahh. Okay. I shouldnt continue. Cause i sound so despo, when i am not. Haha. Hopes glimmer. Hopes dashed. Times and times like this. haha. Wohoo. Maybe cupid wants me to wait. And the one will be a nice one. Really. Haha. Then i shall wait. =) Ya. Wait..

You said friends.

But nah.

It's not gonna happen.

Hope you are happy.

on the way to school that day

the cotton stud on my FIRST mp3's ear piece dropped

it's on the bus

right infront

fear and anxiety and nervousness was what i felt

i told myself, i am never going to get a new one to replace it

it kept losing, not once but times

and i found it back everytime

i was so scared

that it'd be gone like that

i prayed and hoped that the stud was still there when i alight

god bless, it's still there

it's safe by my side now

and yes

this is how much i value you

yes. it was me you saw.

it was so different

from the last one when i waited for you till you're done

a day i'd call the sweetest

to this that we are nothing but strangers

i broke down after running away

tears fell uncontrollably

i cant help it

you think i can?

this is how much i value you

and i am still calling you "dear" in my subconscious mind..

be there..

but i know you wont..

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

3:25 AM

Sunday, August 05, 2007

woohoO~ back again! been MIA again for dont know how long. always been wanting to blog. have the urge to but lack the determination. dang~ now, the bloody EM project is done, which we have dragged for weeks, and yes, i mean WEEKS, kill me please, and finally can relax for a WEE BIT and then work doubly hard cause coming monday is OUR big day. OUr FYP integrated presentation. Our business partners, Tenchi, and all our tutors will be present for the presentation. Stress. And we are like, not even halfway done? Gosh. I tell you, it's never happened. I dont know why but it just happened. THIS YEAR. and it's our FINAL year. and WE ARE STILL LIKE THIS?! Okay maybe not we, but ME. seriously fucked up. Shout at me if i am ill-discplined. I will be oh so grateful to you.

Okay. i shall try to remember what i wanted to blog about. Okay first thing first. About my unacceptable behaviour. For the past three weeks, i have been clubbing for like every week? Turning into a hardcore clubber. And this, had started many arguments? I seriously felt guilty. Yes. For? 1) My family members are worried about me being out there at night no matter how much i assured them i would be okay. But i think i understand how they feel. Mummy smsed me and what she said really made me felt guilty. 2) My grandma also worried sick about me that one night, i heard from my aunt, that she was sleeping and she thought she heard us knocking on the door and she frantically woke up with her blanket in her hands (cause she no time put the blanket down cause she like in a hurry to know what happened) and came to open my room door. Only to find both my aunt and i asleep. I didnt went clubbing that day. This is the mental stress that i caused my grandma. I am so sorry. 3) Not really because of clubbing, but maybe due to it indirectly which i dont know is it true, i always last minute then go to school. Thus, grandma has to drive me to school. True, i felt remorseful but ya. I seem to say like oh how guilty and remorseful i am, but, i didnt change. However, i will change. Really. There's still so much things to say. Haix. 4) I seem to neglect my studies. Really. Not say neglect but really no determination and the drive to do work. Tell you, i have not held a pen for a long time and i've never brought foolscap to school since school reopens except for a few times. Oh my. THis is damn serious. And i shall jolly well reflect upon myself. See what wonderful stuffs i have done and created. Thanks to me.

Hmmm. Basically all clubbing experience at Zouk is superb. Yeah. Except for the last one which was last Wednesday. Was totally crap. Got a bitch body sticky sticky then come and niam us. Then she still come and bang us then she suddenly stop dancing. What the. Then somemore, was totally damn packed. Being trapped in between tall guys make me feel small. Lol. Haha. Can kena being washed away by the human flow sia. Lol. Then mucus' brother's friend shielded and protected us. Thanks =) Then later on dont know why, got people start fighting. Was being pushed to the side. Omg. First time met this kind of thing. Phew. Yah was quite sucky la. OH YA! I remembered, when i wanted to go off already right, got this girl who puked behind me in the club! I was like why suddenly got water then i turned back then i saw her wiping her mouth. EWWWW. Damn gross can. Then my hair, my new top all reeks of her nice vomit smell. Then when mucus was helping me to clean my hair, she used the tissue to get rid of the puke and to find out that there was actually some yucky vege particles inside too. Gosh. I was damn fucked up. Then mucus helped me to wash hair too. Awww. haha. muah! Then for the next few days or so i keep smelling puke. And saw people puking too. Dang!

Hur Hur Hur. Clubbing's fun. Never thought i would like it. I was still like okay okay to it when i first club. Hahahaha. New experiences everytime. FUN!!! hahaha. i want i want i want..!! Bitchy bitchy. Naughty Naughty. Me.

Then the other thing is got once, mucus and i went to KAP at around 9pm for dinner. Yes. THen we were there with our laptops then start to surf net and stuffs. Then she ate wrong medicine became so high that she kept talking crap to my friends on msn. LOL. Crazy. THen we made so much noise and big movements that we invited stares. Hah. Fun. Shall do more of this kind. Destress ar.

Okay what else? Hmmm. Have not been going for guitar practices cause i have projects coming on. Consultations, facing laptop all day, brain cell-killing brainstorming sessions and papers and yada yada yada. Lol. It's gonna be over soon. Then can party then can concentrate on exams le. Yeah. Jiayou!! To the rest out there who has exams too! =)

Okay. Others? Oh ya. I am so addicted to a particular men's fragrance. It's sooo nice can. Mucus and i were like OMG. Got once, we went to watch "Alone" and the guy beside Mucus smelt of that! Then we were both like keep sniffing and sniffing for that scent. Haha. Awww. I want to know the brand and buy for my next boyfriend. Haha.

Been busy like hell with my Integrated Project. Ahhhh. Tomorrow pia-ing like hell already. Maybe will have stayovers to rush also. Damn Damn Damn. Not enough sleep. Not sleeping tomorrow already i guess. GROUPMATES JIAYOU!!! WE CAN DO IT DE!! AFTER MONDAY AND IT WILL BE OVER!!

Met up with him today. Hmmm. First thing came as a "Sian-diao ness" for me. -_-" But after that still crapped. In the cinema was like... After that was like... Dont know what the f*** he wants also. Please. Mixed feelings. Angry? Disappointed? Heck care? I dont know. Hope we wont fall in any deeper. Yeah. Up to you.

Okay people. Till the next time i post. My this post like long and crazy and full of random-ness and no link. Pardon me ar. I just write what flows into my mind. Haha. Take care! =)

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

3:49 AM

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Yeah! New blog! Simplicity's still the best. Now my blog like under construction sia. No picture no nothing. Then like half done. But HOPEFULLY it's gonna be done soon.

Hmmm. Biggest thing that happened is WEDNESDAY night when it's my first time ZOUKING out! Whee~!! I simply love Zouk to the core man. But i think anybody close who knows me, surely knows why i dislike it next time if anything happens when i go. Haha. Psychological problem. Yeah. Woohoo~!! Now i am still reminiscing what happened that night. Hee hee. SOOO HAPPY!! SOOO MANY CUTE GUYS!! TALL GUYS!! AHHH! okay. gotta get a hold of myself. but really, the crowd really makes me HIGHH!! Though i didnt drink much that day cause still suffering from the phobia of the Long Island Tea after the food poisoning case. Eeewkkk. Then was so much a fun day. After Zouking still can go mucus' house to ton for awhile. Damn good. I like.. Hee. I like mucus' grandma too! SHOO CUTE! Nice nice. Loving it. More more!! oh ya. back to point. We went Phuture like nice. Very nice. I like. Very packed. Heard that there's more packed days. And we went Mambo! Saw Hong Yi. He danced very funny. Then we all so happpy until oblivious to the surroundings. Then i saw 1 OLD old man. Ya. He very small and old. He there dancing. hha. funny.

Shouldnt have felt that way. But to think of it, i think it's okay. Nothing much. But maybe to them, it's already an over. Sorry that i "downgraded" to be like that. And hey you. Thanks. Though i think you suck theoretically, but really thanks for that. It's been long since i last. It was a nice feeling plus a turn on. =) Ahhh..

Then it was Friday when we were doing MCOM project (which is now late submission. gosh. we need some self-displine. for me at least.) when mucus craved for DXO. Aww. Tempted. Then went. THink it's gonna be quite some time that i will go next time. Met Hong Yi to pass him something then he went drinking with his friends. Then mucus and i kept going for rounds and rounds of free flows. Hee. Burbon coke, Vodka sprite... The bartender was sooo cute. He kept smiling. And he jokes. He didnt outcast ugly and fatty souls like me and he smiled. whee. he's cute can. He asked us to say "stop" when he's pouring the alchohol. mucus didnt hear him and said "stop" after awhile. AHH. And then mucus requested for "Umbrella" and RnB songs and the DeeJay really changed for her! Cool right?! haha. then went to dance. And it's really my first time getting abit seh on DXO's free flows. Haha. i Like. I didnt puke! hee. Danced. But the music sucks for a period of time. And the crowd sucks too. It's becoming more yalam-infested. I'm okay about that too. But the crowd? Yucks. People maybe complaining about me but ya, that's true la. Saw young people and old people too. Argh. So no good. But good for chilling too. Then kept cam-whoring the whole night and wanted to eat cause very hungry but in the end went home instead. I ate "ba hu mian bao" aka meat floss bread. Hhaa.

Mabia seriously needs self discipline. Really. Wake up you ass. Get a life man. AHHHHH. Wake UP!!!

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

1:19 PM

Sunday, June 24, 2007

HI PEOPLE!! I'm back again. Been MIA like for 2 months plus already. Hur Hur. Fun. So sian and lazy to blog although i have so much things to blog about. Yup. SO is anyone still following up on mine? Haha. Miss me? Heh. Okay whatever. Oh. Since i am gone, so many things happened, like the launch of "Whatever" and "Anything" and i've yet to try them. Must one day. Gosh. Am being so random here.

Okay first thing first. The biggest thing that happened was the NPStrings Virtuoso XIV Concert that took place yesterday, 23rd June at Singapore Conference Hall. CONGRATULATIONS to all who made it happen. It wont be a success if not for YOU ALL!! Cheerios! It was my second time performing for Virtuoso. The first was Virtuoso 13th on June 9th 2006 if i didnt remember wrongly at VICTORIA CONCERT HALL and the next was Virtuoso 14th on June 23rd 2007 at SINGAPORE CONFERENCE HALL. Both was hell successful. Yup. So happy. Initially i was still getting the jitters during the rehearsal at SCH cause it was so quiet and if you played wrongly, it would be very obvious. SO i was like damn nervous but our concert's very first item was the guitar ensemble's El Condor Pasa and it did marked a very good start of Virtuoso XIV. Woohoo~!! Luckily all went well. And shh, there were times when i am pretending to play for the chords when i am on stage. Hee. Opps. After Virtuoso went to eat supper at the makan place beside Youth Park. After which went to Party World to K until 6 in the morning. Then sang one song which i like very much, by Fish Leong, "Wu Tiao Jian Wei Ni". Aww. Really put my heart into this song. Hee. Ah. Then sang duets too. Got 1 song sang with my the alumni. The song, "Jin Tian Ni Yao Jia Gei Wo". AHH! It's a kiddy love song then got 1 part saying Jolin in the house and David Tao in the house, he said my name. Then i said his name. Then end with, "Our love in the house, Sweet sweet love." Sounds so stupid. But i got all so paiseh after singing the song and during. OMG. Dont know why sia. AHHH. AI ZAI. Then after that went to MAc to eat breakfast then take bus go home. Oh ya. Forgot. Denise's auntie helped me make-up and tied hair for Virtuoso. Heh.. First time had my hair permed with some of the zig-zag thingy. COOL! Brandon was so fascinated by it that he kept touching. HumpH! Thanks very much auntie! Oh! Also, thanks TAN JIE YING, GUO JIE YING, WANG HAN, HUI XIAN and my FATHER, MOTHER, AUNT, COUSIN, SISTER And BROTHER for coming to support me during the concert. AND not forgetting, my kor, Justin and his girlfriend who came so oh suddenly that it came as a great surprise to me. They did not say that they are coming until suddenly he asked me where am i and that they are coming when i am preparing for my concert. Haha. THANKS ALL!! Love you!

Sleep... I overslept then i missed the time to meet my 7 sisters to celebrate Guo Jieying's brithday. ARGHH. Then took bus to Settlers' Cafe at Clarke Quay there and joined them for some last minute games then went to Central Shopping Centre to shop. Finally, after so long the 7 sisters can reunite. Rare sight. Shall post all photos up when i got it uploaded. Hee. Then went to eat dinner with Winnie and Shao Fen. After that i went 7-11 buy Long Island Tea and drank while cam-whoring and chit chatting by the river. Dangerous wor. Haha. Felt quite seh after drinking, i mean not cause i cant drink, but before that i am already seh seh cause of lack of sleep. haha. So on the way home i was like walking from left to right and vice versa. Heh. Nice feeling.

Dont know why. I just felt not so nice when you are so good to them, especially her. I dont know if you are interested in her. Or am i just being sensitive. Anyway, there's no need and there's no reason and there's no right for me to feel like that. Who am i to control what you do or feel. Am i not right. So ya. And all the time with you. Woke up and realised you are not there. It's just a very complicated and vexing feeling. A sense of emptiness. How much how much i wished you were here. Right here. To bombard me with all your bullshits and humour. The bullshits which are like nothing but music to my ears. And that morning. Your one-finger kungfu pushed me down and i grabbed your shirt. And then you rescued me with your grab. =) AHHH. Really. It sucks. Like hell. To know you might not be the one. imissyou.

HAHA! JUST JOKING! BULLSHIT!!

Till the next time i post.

YYY

you do not know how much I love you

9:13 AM