I thought. I thought i can tolerate smokers. I can. The smell sometimes is okay. BUT. I really cant help it to see my own fellow mates picking up smoking when they dont even know how initially. Not really pick up i mean. Just have a puff or two. But i really cant stand to see them smoking. Really. I felt really hurt. Dont know why this feeling arose and i just cant help but turn my head away and not to see them smoke. Haix. Hope they are just having fun and they are not real in picking up this habit.
Today had a series of blows. It just struck and caught me unprepared. Was at a loss. Felt like bursting into tears but i just cant. Cause i am outside, cant afford to let other people see my ugliest sight. Haix. Little but of things i feel sad, i get moved, i get agitated. People poor i also like that. People this people that i also felt terrible. Other things too of course.
I sometimes just wonder why people have feelings. Why cant people be heartless or choose not to feel anything and just be oblivious to the surroundings and what everything is happening around them. Just ignore and close your heart. FEEL NOTHING. Having too much feelings is bad. It makes people weak. Like me. I'm just a weakling. Haix.